Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Chicago Public Schools Promise to Give Every Student at Closed Schools a Pony

Despite a reported 1 billion dollar debt, the Chicago Public Schools announced that all students at closing students would be given their very own pony.   District officials vowed to pick up the tab of approximately $2,500 per student for the ponies.

“Our research shows that children--particularly small children--love ponies.   We also have to consider that many children will have to travel further to their receiving schools.  Also, many of these students have seen absolutely no stability in relationships they've formed with people” said school CEO Barbara Byrd-Bennett in a press release issued shortly after midnight.

District officials said they'll pay for the investments by "redirecting resources from underutilized" schools, which will be closed. But a 2011 study by the Pew Charitable Trusts revealed that many districts that have closed schools have realized few savings in the initial years because of significant costs to mothball closed buildings, transition students, move equipment and add upgrades to receiving schools. The average annual savings in the short run, according to study, were well under $1 million per school.

"Students can name their own pony Twilight or Princess or Sparkles or whatever they want, though we're going to discourage students from naming their ponies anything like Persepolis," Said Byrd-Bennett, "I think this shows that CPS has been thinking of our students all along."

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