Oh the Tests You Will Take

Oh The Tests You Will Take
By Nate Peele

Congratulations!
Today is the best
You’re off now to School!
To take your first test!

You have your eraser.
You have your number twos.
You can fill in whichever circle you choose.
We’re here to watch. And find out what you know. But you’ll be the one to fill in each column and row.

You’ll read your passages. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I simply don’t care.” With your number two pencil filling all sheets, you’re too smart to not be an exceeds or a meets.

Of course, you may not find any tests give a thrill. In that case, of course, we’ll simply drill, drill drill. It’s easier when you just learn the test.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to distract people as brainy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. We’re getting data from you.

Oh! The Tests You Will Take!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll get multiple choices in your sights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll come to the stop sign and be able to read. This time is for you until the test ends. Then sharpen your pencil, the next one begins.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that some tests are so long, you just won’t get through.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. No answer will seem right. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you can’t be soaring. Un-slumping yourself requires an academic warning.

You will come to a place where the desks are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place where the teacher goes ever so slow! Where you have to repeat what you already know? Just what can you do? Just where can you go?

And you’ll test again, should you pick A or B…or maybe this one is C? Or, why, not try D? Or that great old stand by “none of the above”? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you won’t love, when the tests get longer and even more tough..

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long answer sheets at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across empty blank space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Learning Place…for people just learning.

Learning about history by debating on it, or wasting your time writing some sonnet, or doing projects for the science fair, or just enjoying math or wasting the time to have a quick laugh with no data in the aftermath. Everyone is just learning..

Learning why the fish will bite or learning how wind can fly a kite or learning about what’s wrong and right or learning, perhaps, how their Uncle Jake can repair all sorts of care, or how far away are the twinkling stars, or the size of Saturn or the weather on Mars, or literature. Everyone is just learning..

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that useless knowledge. There’s more tests to take before entering college. With pencil scritch-scratching, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the tests you’ll take! There’s no point in denial! There are standards to exceed. There are 99 percentiles. And the magical things you can do on those tests will make you the envy of all the rest! Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole school watching your assembly.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll do poorly to be honest. Because you’re a minority and the tests are still biased.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the questions are tough. On you will go though your school is rough.. On you will go through the ridiculous stuff. Onward through many a stupid question, though your hand may get sore and sleep may beckon.. You will fill in the circles. And I know you’ll fill them completely. Your test will be done oh so perfectly neatly.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many answers as you go. So be sure when you answer that your answer is the best and remember that Life’s a Big Standardized Test. Just never forget to fill circles completely. And id you must cheat, do so discreetly. 

And will you succeed?
You’ll meet or exceed!
(98 and ¾ percentile guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Tests!
Today is your day!
Answer sheets are waiting.
So…get on your way!